Adultery. Why is it that in a world filled with acceptable immorality, we still feel the stabbing pain of adultery? Just look at the latest gossip magazine. It seems the world loves to hate a cheater. Could it be because deep down we all still ache for perfect love?
In our own lives we want to find the delights movies tell us exist. We want to know happy endings are real. So when we see a couple broken apart by adultery, we grow angry and want the offender to receive the justice they deserve. How dare they ruin our expectations and hopes for love?
But what of our own adultery?
Your dreams and mine are so strong because love is what we were created for and also what was severed in Eden. But perfect love still pursues us. The God of the universe has not given up. He is calling us back to the only love in which our hearts will find satisfaction.
Many of us have found this deep fulfillment in Him, in Jesus. Then, for reasons we can’t quiet explain…
our hearts look elsewhere…
and we give ourselves to another.
Your “another” may not be a person, but there is plenty we seek to fill our longings for what only Jesus can offer.
In order to write the lyrics to “Through Your Window”, I let myself feel what God must endure during my own adulteress wanderings. What I imagined was a man, standing in the rain, gazing up at the window of the only woman he has truly ever loved. His heart is fully hers. His undying devotion is completely given over to her. She too has spoken words of consecration to him, pledging her love forever.
And yet as he looks up at the drawn curtains, he knows that she is not alone. She is with another, one who has only come to take.
Willingly, she will let him.
The rain falls on this vulnerable man, soaking the strands of his hair, falling past his brow, toward eyelashes already soaked with tears of a broken heart. He speaks:
“I feel the falling of rain from a rainbow-less sky to mix with the tears that now fall from my eyes toward lips that would speak of my longing to see the place you’ve yet to give away.”
Pain and heartache…and yet his devotion never wavers. The man’s hope remains for even the smallest place in her heart that has not been given away to the seducer standing in her room.
As I wrote those first words of the verse, I could feel Jesus calling to my own heart, asking if there yet remained a place that was only His. Suddenly I felt as though I was the one behind the window with another, exposed in my adultery. Through her voice I pleaded to the one waiting below:
“These tears come to match what feels out of my reach as I finally turn to see your face. My own lips will speak their apologies of how you and I were meant to be.”
I’m so desperately sorry.
Pure love is no longer mine. I’m crying with you but…I’ve ruined all.
The words I receive are not what I expected. The unrelenting love of Jesus reveals itself as his response is whispered to my heart.
“Be still my love and believe. Though he’s standing behind you, I’ve come to find you. Love holds me here near your windowpane. Below I will wait in the pouring rain until he is done with you.”
Why would I ever look elsewhere? And yet I have.
“Until he is done with me. I know that You’re there. Though I turn away, Yours are the eyes that I’m longing to see.”
“Until he’s done with you”
“Until he’s done with me”
Could there be any more brokenness in the realization that the false love I have given myself to is there to take…and take…and take…until finally, it has drank its fill and is done using me?
This is the truth behind our great enemy’s seduction. He only desires to take us away from true love. He hates us and hates that we are loved so deeply by God. His desire is to make us so stained that we will have to be forsaken.
In the second verse of the song, Jesus speaks to this great attack on our lives:
“Your silhouette through the glass and the thickening dark turns from me as your beauty is left with new scars. And for a moment he is all that you’re aching to see. But he wont love you, not like me.”
Our response sounds something like this:
“This shameful taste is familiar and leaving regret. This question of worth just wont let me mend. My heart is displayed on this windowpane. Looks like it’s breaking and washing away.”
We fall easily into the lie that we are too stained to wear the wedding dress of a beloved bride. The rain soaked window in this song, separating us from true love, becomes the perfect metaphor for our heart. Covered in the droplet maze of rain, the window looks as if its shattered, melting away in an un-repairable mess.
And yet, True Love’s pursuit for us never wavers.
“Be still my love and believe…”
Believe. Believe that even through all our arguments to keep love away from our stained choices, He will come after us. He still wants me, and yes, He still wants you.
This was one of most challenging songs I have ever written. The duality of the song’s two characters pushed me to confess my own ache and sorrow, all the while believing Jesus still desired me. My arguments to push Him away from my mess were met by His unrelenting responses of love, culminating in the song’s bridge.
“I’m broken in ways You cant possibly save.”
“No love, I’m here and Ill never leave.”
“Just go, its better off that way.”
“But what if I decide to stay?”
“These unsteady hands are beginning to reach.”
“Yes love, I’m here and Ill never leave.”
“One step towards You changes everything.”
“Come back to Me.”
One step, just one step changes everything. Will you join me in laying aside the “others” we have given ourselves to, the ones that have only taken, leaving us empty? Will you turn and move toward the one who desperately loves us and who has waited for our return?
“Love holds Me here near your window pane, below I will wait in the pouring rain until I’m holding you.”
(Special thanks to Rachel Kiehne for lending her incredible vocals)